As I sit here watching my hamster eat celery, I realize there are only three things on my mind at the moment: yoga, my new found crush and Vegas.
Vegas is 27 days away. Flights have been booked, hotel has been booked and now to ensue are the shenanigans. I am particularly looking forward to this trip mainly because it will be a nice get away with people I normally do not get to see. I am enjoying seeing people and spending time with people that I have not in the past; it is a refreshing and stimulating change. Plus, it's Vegas. Need I say more?
Now you see, yoga and my crush go slightly hand in hand. I just took another break, because I am avoiding writing about them. Yoga is going amazingly, I feel so motivated and strong. The one month break was needed and now I feel refreshed and so much more willing to step into that hot room. I am so excited at the possibility to go to teacher training after practicing between two teachers yesterday. It was a wicked experience because they were both focused and strong. I have been buzzing ever since. It also helps that I can see the end of school in five semesters and actually am able to live life.
One of those teachers happened to be the teacher I've developed a slight crush on; curiosity would be a better word. I am quite curious about him: I read a mini biography of him on a studio's website and was blown away. Reading that and generally working around him makes me so curious and interested in his life experiences. I am in such awe of the purity of his character. He seems so genuine and passionate about life, and the yoga; given his past, it makes sense. I want to talk to him, spend more time with him but I'm so intimidated!
Who am I to compare to the people that he has met and will meet, a lowly student 13 years his junior that can barely look him in the face and who can barely talk to him? We sit side by side and I have nothing to say to him. What could possibly interest this guy? I have nothing to offer but my shy and awkward self. I am aware that unless I make a step into showing myself to him, he'll never be able to see who I am and what I am about. I know at this point I have over thought it, but he is just interesting. Even on a platonic level I would like to spend time with him. True to my nature, I do not know how to go about this. I do not know what I can do without giving all my secrets away, without putting myself in an uncomfortably vulnerable situation and without forcing someone to do something they do not want to.
I am planting the seed, though -- two actually. The first, to push my limits and boundaries. As pointed out in class today, we have no limits! We self impose these boundaries and never push outside of them. I will push my limits in both yoga and my day to day life. That means being stronger and pushing to and beyond my edge in class; trusting that my body is capable.This means being more focussed and true to myself. This means going out of my comfort zones in social interactions. The second seed, is to let my inner self be seen. I mentioned that I can barely look him in the face, this is out of fear that he'll see everything about me and in me. Sounds crazy, but I feel that if I don't make eye contact, people will not know me. This often happens with people I want the most to see me. This does not pertain to solely him, but to all that I interact with now and in the future.
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