I am very much looking forward to the six pm class as D is teaching, and I have much respect for him. He is so interesting to talk to and often spurs on a lot of reflection on my part. He and K have been together for what sounds like forever and I think they are both so fascinating. I always enjoy talking to K, we used to work Thursday mornings together but now that I have classes during the day Thursdays that does not happen. But I love them as individuals and I sense that hanging out with them together would be a riot. D mentioned that we have to go out for dinner one day -- is it weird that I felt so touched by that? And even yesterday, K sent me a text saying, "Hey T, I heard what happened at the studio hope you're not too bothered by it" -- so touched and it was so simple. Even if we do not end up going for dinner, I still know and feel that they genuinely care and also respect me.
What happened yesterday at the studio was quite bothersome. After one class, teacher comes out and says to call the cops because someone was pleasuring themselves on a trail outside of the studio as he was staring into the class. Cops were called, responded really quickly and asked a few questions about where he went and what he looked like; unfortunately unable to find him. It was not even that big of a deal, but it was quite disturbing. The rest of the day was a write off and it was quite annoying to deal with the myriad of phone calls, students constantly leaving the yoga room and all the cleaning to be done. But, on to a new day.
It is also worrisome that a coworker/friend has been gone for 2 weeks longer than planned on her missionary trip to Turkey. Last we spoke to her she was brought into questioning by the Turkish police and no one has heard from her since; M has made a case with the Canadian Consulate though. But I am hoping, wishing and praying for her, and her family's safe return.
Yes. Praying. I think I get it now. I'm still not on the page of "some guy was created out of pure love for us as humans, only to be resurrected and killed to pay for our sins but we need to listen to his teachings". I have not thought about all of that. But as there is nothing I can do about this scenario at this point, I am praying that they are safe. Who knows if this will achieve anything, but for me right now, it is for my sake to keep hope and faith up.
I have friends who think this is stupid. What's worse, they think that I'm on the same page as them. Whenever they make an anti religious comment I always want to say or do something, as they include me in it. They phrase it so that it's like I somehow agree with them. But that's fine. I'm not sure how well my friendships are going at this point to be honest, and I am working on not caring any more. It's been far too long that I have let this friendship bother and far too long that I stand up for it and defend it. At the end of the day, my presence in the friendship does not matter in the slightest. I am working on being fine with this but not putting up with it. That is, expanding my network.
For example, today I'm going out with C to yoga and studying together. I am hopefully going little black dress/vegas shopping with K. I spend more time at the yoga studio so I'm surrounded by people who truly care. It's funny though, I've realized that I'd take a person who genuinely cares about me at a 3% level as opposed to someone who cares about me 100% of the way but that it does not mean much to. What I mean, I have some people in my life that only know the surface details about me, but when I'm speaking to them and interacting with them, in that moment I can feel they are genuinely invested in that interaction-- in me. Contrast that to people who know everything about me and people that I actively seek time spent together, and there's not much returned at a deep level because 'school and relationships' take first priority. But I'm over it. Ha.
Oh, and that crush? Gone. He's is still incredibly interesting, but realistically nothing would ever happen. So I feel more at ease talking and interacting with him.
In thinking, reading and reflecting I have one more seed I want to plant and more goal to work on. I am missing that mind, body, spirit connection. I need to meditate more in and out of the yoga class. I find when I'm in, I'm so focussed on 'doing well' rather than quieting the mind. I will work on this. The seed?
"When we practice being and doing the things that we expect others to be and do for us, we have a far greater level of self-knowledge that makes us hugely aware of who we bring into our lives. We need people that add to what we already do, not subtracting from where we’re already malnourished." -- Baggage Reclaim
That is what I need to work on, being and doing what I want from others for myself. That's it, nothing more or less. Now it is time for breakfast though.
No comments:
Post a Comment