have you seen my ghost?

One Week was the one and only movie that we had watched together that I truly enjoyed. I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but it's absolutely amazing. And it made me fall in love with Wintersleep's Weighty Ghost: it's such a great song.

Today is the day of my Bikram 30 Day Challenge and I've already missed a day, woops! But that's okay, I'll be able to do doubles, and I'm not stressed that my 60 Day Challenge isn't going as well as anticipated, and I'm not really using my Moksha membership, but that is okay. Hear that self: it's okay! I need to make that my mantra for a while. But between school, and working and trying to do yoga I'll have little time for anything else. I definitely need to call that other studio and tell them I'm unable to work there. The money would be great, but I'll have to manage with what I'm making right now.

My 60 Day Challenge is about grounding myself, is about becoming patient and compassionate and open. I've been very closed off and selfish lately. My 60 Day Challenge is to allow me to grow out of these bitter pants I've been wearing for far too long and be able to listen to others and support them and not be selfish and maybe learn proper grammar because this sentence is far too long but I find it funny.

My 30 Day Challenge is about strength and determination. It's about my ability to push my way through all 26+2 postures, about digging deep and doing every posture with grace and dignity even if I can't do it properly. It's about being honest with myself about the work I need to do to ensure my safety. I will do this.

In review of yesterday:

• What was the best thing that happened to me today? The little girl I babysit was being super cute and allowing me to bathe her, showing off her swimming skills by kickkickkicking in the bathtub ("kick! kick! kick!") and showing me how to blow bubbles ("bubbers!"). She then washed my feet and was fascinated over this, and then when I was reading her a bedtime story she was being especially cute and warm but cuddling up to me. She's never done this and in fact has been quite difficult with me, but I really enjoyed this moment with her.
• What could I have done better today? Kept my negativity to myself and even if I could not have been positive, been quiet.
• What is the most important thing I must accomplish tomorrow? Call the other studio and let them know I will be able to work but I truly am thankful for their time and help.
• What new thing can I try tomorrow? Going to the gym and taking care of my health in a non-yoga way. Haha, not new, but I need to get over my 'stage-fright' at this has been what's holding me back lately.
• Who is the most important person (or people) in my life and what am I doing for them? My friends - and I'm doing nothing, sad hey? But I will be more receptive to their problems, not to self focussed, and keep my problems to a minimum because big picture: my problems are not problems. They deserve the same love and support as they give me; though they may need it in a different way than I do.

ps. remember what your brosef said, "Why do you think I want to live on a farm and be self sufficient as possible? To not have to deal with stupid shitty people. But then I wouldn't have met the awesome people I know. Like, truly awesome, not fake." Not everyone sucks, there are awesome people out there. I need to keep my mind and heart open, and allow changes to take place. My old friendships will be there, but they may not serve you all the time. And I need to allow the natural ebb and flow to happen not try and keep it status quo. Deal? Deal. Edit: I love how as soon as I closed this post, went to FB and saw a post that totally made my heart sink. Stop being so narcissistic and let it go. People have lives and friends outside of you, the best thing you can do for yourself is to not hold on to anything.