Looking back, I can only comment on how ridiculously dramatic I am. I definitely do not want him specifically, I just want company. I spend the majority of my day by myself, in silence and some days I just want some company to relax with. While he may be able to be some general company to be with, our fates are not somehow intertwined, as I so like to think. I need to turn my focus back in on myself and realize I have so much to occupy myself with: school (lots of studying to get done), health (I need to start preparing better meals, going back to yoga regularly; taking care of my physical body and my emotional state), and I now have a new intention. In the next few weeks things will be changing, I have a goal of becoming a yoga teacher, I want to challenge myself academically, and now I need to think of my possible medical school after graduating. Best part? It would be naturopathic medicine. I will have to think on this because it will be a big commitment, I need to research more about careers afterwards, I need to go talk to other ND's that I know (to get their input, to see if I can do some volunteer work any where) and I will need to think of where: in Toronto or here in Vancouver.
I have also noticed that I have not been very compassionate of others. Well, compassionate and trusting. I need to work on that. But what I really need to realize and accept in the fullest (instead of saying I do) is that a relationship takes work; if someone is in a relationship it's going to take up their time no matter what. I need to respect that and back off. So what, if I want that opportunity of that with someone? So what, if I don't have it now? Doesn't mean I have to demean others' relations. What I'm trying to tell myself, don't get so jealous you insecure person.
So. It seems what I need to do is simply: breathe and focus.
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