first time.

Fingers interlocked, knuckles under your chin: and begin. 

Do you remember your first time? I sure don't. I always hear stories about how gruelling other peoples' first times were, how angry and frustrated they got and yet, they always seemed to get addicted. I wish I could remember my first Bikram's class. To be fair, it was over a year ago. But it's not just that, it's also that every I take class feels like my first class all over again. 

Stand up on your toes (just a little bit), knees together, and come down as slow as possible: minimum count of ten.

There are days where I struggle physically to keep my knee locked or my hips forward or simply keeping my palms and wrists together. Other days I struggle to keep my focus on myself, and not comparing my posture to others. A teacher said in a class once, "comparing yourself to others is the first step in limiting yourself". With each class it gets better, however I still find myself gazing over at others' postures. I struggle to give each posture 100% and to not hold back (in order to reserve energy).

Right foot out three feet, thirty six inch minimum, arms up at the same time, pelvis forward. Come down slowly keeping your back straight.

In each class the only thing that gets in the way of completing each posture is myself. I struggle to push through all the doubts, all the negative thoughts and all the compromises of, "I'll take a rest this one, but put in extra effort the next posture". Simply focussing on ones breath is the best remedy for busyness of the mind. This focus, is in and of itself much harder than the physical challenge Bikram's Yoga poses.

Pick your right foot up with your left hand, bring your foot up as close to the costume as you can.

When welcoming a new student to the studio recently, they posed the question, "Why do you practice this yoga?". And I had to answer honestly in that it grounds me and gives me a place solely me. The physical benefits I receive is nothing compared to the mental and emotional benefits I have, and hopefully will continue to receive. The physical outcome is a by product of my mental efforts. 

Turn around, lay down. And get ready for your 2 minute shavashana.

Each 90 minute class is a 90 minute conscious meditation. No sleeping and no closed eyes. One must be always present in the room and within themselves. This presence, this awareness to ones own self is likely the best benefit one can get form a class. Since the beginning of my practice, I have seen huge changes in myself emotionally and mentally. I've learned to accept all that I am (although there are days where I struggle), I've learned to stop being so self depreciative and stop berating myself. But most importantly: I've learned to have patience for myself and forgive myself.

Let's fly: arms out to the sides, chin out, legs tight. The tighter they are, the lighter you'll be.

Personally, this patience and ability to forgive myself is definitely the best outcome of this yoga. Gone are the days where I get frustrated with myself over something that is not worth getting angry over. Consciously or not, I've learned to "let go of everything: thoughts, feelings, pain, everything that doesn't serve" me. 

Now come to the top of your mats for camel pose.

Now although this practice has benefited me so much emotionally, it has obviously helped a lot physically. I've lost twenty pounds since starting, quite a few inches and I've gained so much strength and muscle as a result. It amazes me each class, that I can balance on one leg, or lift myself off the ground so that only my hips are touching. It is incredible what ones body can do for them, when you treat it right.

Feet flexed, arms over your head, thumbs crossed, now sit up!

Each 90 minute class is a chance to push yourself to a new edge, to discover what your body can do for you when you focus your mind and put in one hundred percent effort. I love being able to share my energy with other yogis around me, feeding off of them when I need a push and hopefully they are able to feed off mine when they need some. 

We started off the class with pranayama breathing, now finishing it off with another breathing exercise.

So, no. I don't remember my first Bikram's class. But every time I step into that room, that torture chamber, that room of rejuvenation, I am humbled and reminded that there is no such thing as perfect, and only practice.

Namaste.