bless my heart, bless yours too.

I have been trying to subside my basic human need of physical contact for a long time now, with anything but that. I've been drinking, eating, smoking -- anything that causes a rush of endorphins (asides from exercise, you know, the good stuff) to be in place of that need. 

It's not good enough any more. It's not doing me any good any more. I am becoming a lonely hermit. I have been house sitting for my brother, and what do I do when I get home? I drink. And I eat. And I sleep. I have been interacting less and less with people. Not reaching out to friends or anyone. The friends issue is tricky. I feel as though they're all moving on without me, and I will let them. I am not going to weigh them down. But the issue is: what about me? What do I have going on in my life? The answer: nothing. I need to change that. I don't know how or why, but it has got to change. 

I stumbled upon this gem:

Why are we bored, lonely and lazy? Because we don't have the will to totally open our hearts to others. If you have the strength of will to totally open your heart to others, you will eliminate laziness, selfishness and loneliness. Actually, the reason you get lonely is that you are not doing anything. If you were busy, you wouldn't have time to get lonely. Loneliness can only enter an inactive mind. If your mind is dull and your body inactive, then you get lonely. Basically, this comes from a selfish attitude, concern for yourself alone. That is the cause of loneliness, laziness and a closed heart.

And it resonates with me. I need to do something about that. This does not make me less, or weak, or stupider than others (I've had this habit of comparing to my friends, and finding all my weaknesses or shortcomings), I am solely different.